Why Is Change So Hard?
The only constants in life are said to be death and taxes. Paradoxically, I’d also add change to that list.
Some people hate it. Others seek it constantly. There is no universal way it is received, only universally distributed.
We all change, as another word for change is grow. From a fundamental perspective, change is the building block of life, and social progress, so whether you like it or not, it’s happening. Change can be introduced intentionally to our lives, both large and small, to accomplish what we desire and become better versions of ourselves. If it is so common, and so frequent, then why is it so hard?
We fight with other forces that are at play. These can include greed, comfort, fortune, vanity, fear, self-preservation, and immediate gratification. Briefly summed up, these are:
Greed - personal gain drives behaviour and decision making
Comfort - no desire for change, or the unfamiliar
Fortune - money drives behaviour and decision making
Vanity - self-admiration takes priority
Fear - perceived emotional and physical barriers
Self-preservation - avoid anything perceived are harmful
Immediate gratification - quicker or regular pleasure response drives behaviour and decision making
Change often disrupts these cycles, and triggers an emotional (and sometimes physical) response. Often, we run from the change and seek out a familiar state again. That’s where the problem lies.
Life is loaded with stressors. When we get to a point where we can voluntarily avoid change for the current and more familiar circumstances, we slip into a plateau. Ironically, these can often be followed by regressions, as we become increasing agitated by the lack of growth, and continue to form additional comforting habits to combat our frustrations.
Common examples include over-eating, hitting the snooze button, avoiding self-development activities, secluding yourself, substance abuse, and can continue to spiral into more severe issues if not addressed properly.
Change can be fostered or accelerated in a number of ways. Implementing things like calendars, accountability partners, streamlining apps, and many others can jump start a change in habit.
You may just be lacking motivation for your next big change. Maybe you need a little push to get you to try that new habit, routine, or venture, and you’ll actually like it.
On the contrary, many argue that ‘motivation is a myth’. Some are convinced change is simply a different set of decisions and behaviours made by an individual. It is echoed that change will not be maintained unless the desire for achieving the new habit is greater than returning to the old, familiar one. This is a major key.
People often fail at implementing new habits not because the new and unfamiliar action is too difficult, but because the old action seems more familiar, comfortable, or enjoyable. Once the new habit becomes the primary habit, it will start to create the sense of comfort when it is executed, becoming less burdensome and more rewarding.
Now for the hard part. Wait…what?
The most important question surrounding new habits are is “Are you able to maintain them as additional change occurs?”
When building a new habit, we put a lot of energy, focus, and pride into achieving it. When the novelty runs out, or you find a new novelty, can you keep these habits?
What about new stress? Life has no shortage to throw at us, and doesn’t normally warn us when it’s about to happen. Can you maintain focus on your positive habits as your plate continues to fill?
If the answer you keep telling yourself is “No”, this article may be causing stress. Don’t worry, changing anything, led alone the idea of becoming extraordinary at anything can be a daunting task. We must remember it starts with doing the ordinary things better and better every day. It starts with a single day. It starts with a single action.
What are you changing in your life right now?